I was the bottleneck (and I didn’t know it)
When I was leading agile strategy for a scaling software company, I had a problem I couldn’t see. My team would complete work, and I’d redo it. They’d make decisions, and I’d second-guess them. They’d solve problems, and I’d explain why my approach was better.
I told myself I was maintaining quality. Being thorough. Ensuring excellence.
Really, I was burning myself out and undermining their work because they weren’t doing it my way.
The breaking point came when I realized I was headed for one of those “exhaustion” rehab situations you hear about with celebrities. Everything lived in my head. Every decision needed my approval. Every output needed my review. I was the bottleneck. And I’d built it myself.
The Uncomfortable Truth
When I finally figured out that the way my team did things was different from mine (and often more effective) it was deeply uncomfortable. Because it meant admitting something I didn’t want to face: I had been confusing my personal preferences with actual requirements for success. Their approach wasn’t wrong. It was just different. And different felt like wrong because I’d never separated “what must happen for this to be successful” from “how I personally do this.”
The Real Problem with “I’ll Know It When I See It”
- When success criteria live only in your head, you become the mandatory filter for everything.
- Your team can’t make decisions without you because they don’t know what you’re actually evaluating. They think you’re judging the work, but you’re really judging whether they did it your way.
- This isn’t a delegation problem. It’s not a trust problem. It’s a clarity problem.
- You can’t clone yourself until you separate what MUST happen from how YOU happen to do it.
Here’s the Framework
Non-negotiables = Must be true for success (these are requirements)
- Strategic alignment to company goals
- Delivery predictability
- Quality standards that protect the customer
Your way = How you personally achieve those requirements (these are preferences)
- Your specific planning process
- Your communication style
- Your method of organizing information
The trap = Treating your preferences as requirements
When I made this shift, something remarkable happened. I stopped being the quality control checkpoint and started focusing where my brain actually needed to be: long-term vision and strategy. The work still got done. Often better. Just differently.
The Self-Assessment
Ask yourself:
- When you review someone’s work, what are you actually evaluating? The outcome or the method they used to get there?
- If someone achieved the right result using a completely different approach than yours, would you be satisfied? Or would you want them to redo it your way?
- Can you articulate your non-negotiables in 3-5 clear statements? Or do you default to “I’ll know it when I see it”?
- Are you the bottleneck for decisions that don’t actually require your expertise? What percentage of your day is spent reviewing work vs. setting direction?
- When you say “I can’t delegate this,” is it because only you CAN do it, or because only you know what “good” looks like?
If you’re struggling to answer these clearly, you’re probably confusing your preferences with requirements. Which means you’re the bottleneck.
The Way Forward
- Define what winning looks like – the actual outcomes and non-negotiables – not how you personally win.
- Document it. Share it. Let your team figure out their own path to get there.
- It will feel uncomfortable. Their way will look different. That’s the point.
- You’re not trying to clone yourself. You’re trying to clone the results.
- And that only works when you know what results actually matter.
